Spanky+and+Nibbles+-+majorly+revised

=__**Major Revision-**__=

**As Told By: Al Samuels**
Jail? I’ll tell ya how I got in jail. It was all because of that big ass, Spanky, and his little M&M Cookie, Nibbles. The whole world calls ‘em superheroes – sayin’ stuff like "they do it all for the greater good." Bull. They just wanna look good: I’m stuck here, incarcerated, while those two are on top of the world! And why? Because Nibbles is a talking cookie who can kick some ass and Spanky can skate well. Oh yeah, almost forgot… it started about 2023…

I was a sitting senator. A couple of my buddies – Rep. Warren Harding, Rep. Tom DeThong, Rep. Mitt Romnerd – and I got caught up in this pretty big heist. We started money laundering and – I know, I know, it sounds bad, but, well, it was just small job and we couldn’t get out of it! The money, the power consumed us, the greed took over our lives.

Well, Spanky and Nibbles (ugh…) started noticing each of us spending quite extravagantly (we all bought a 112 foot yacht and started buying hookers like STDs were never discovered) and they came to check us out, see what was up. Those nosy pricks were all over us. Everywhere we drove, ate, slept, partied, they tagged along. Eventually, the four of us got antsy, too impatient to just sit around waiting for them to back off. We collectively decided we needed a job and soon. Raul Castro hooked us up with our biggest job yet.

So we’re in the middle of executing our plan when we run into them, Spanky and Nibbles, that is. I’ll tell ya what, it’s all true; these guys are crazy. Just as legend holds it, Spanky got us dizzy skating around us in circles, all the while we’re getting shot with M&Ms out Nibbles’ butt! Spanky then lived up to his name, spanking us so mercilessly, so ruthlessly, that the Clinton girls would tell us it put Hillary to shame! As we all laid on the ground moaning, wailing, sobbing, Tom tried to run and I – I just don’t have quite an extensive enough vocabulary to put into words what he suffered. I don’t believe anyone does.

Spanky and Nibbles took the money, they returned it to where it was from. I know they kept some – news reports said they returned 2.3 million, I could swear we were handling at least 2.8 or 2.9! So now, here I am. I’m locked up here in prison – like a criminal – put here by two criminals themselves!

__**Version prior to revision:**__ Spanky and the Talking Cookie

I took my story about an epic hero to revise. Before, it was describing the heroes, Spanky and Nibbles, from a narrator's point of view. I took them from being protagonists and told from the antagonist's point of view of them, making them the antagonists. I wanted to see what they would look like from the mind of someone who they incarcerated, instead of having them be perfect.It turned out pretty well and interesting, but I think it seems that without the old version, just the new one alone would be confusing or incomplete - it doesn't seem to give enough background of the two, i think.
 * __Explanation:__**

=Commentary...= Austin, your story is funny and ridiculous. My best piece of advice to you is to keep going with this one. One line I'd like to see you improve is, "Oh yeah, almost forgot… it started about 2023…" because I think it sounds a little contrived. There are other ways to get the setting across. Maybe just say "30 years ago, in 2023, I first met these two..." or something. Great humor. Keep it up. MORE!!! Mr. S. Austin, I think you have to be one of the funniest people I've ever met. First you come out with the elephant lover, than you write this crazy story. I'm speechless, I honestly don't know what to say. Great job. I'm still laughing. ~Emma

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You're a brilliant kid. I loved this all the way through. Seriously, you have a way with making funny not become forced. Sentences flowed well and other than the line about the date, it comes off awesome. Telling it from Al's perspective was cool and I'd love to see the actual scene go down in depth. It'd be nice to see what actually happened that day Al and the fabulous duo met up.

Keep up the funny, you're the best I know at it.

<3 Dan

I really liked your story I’m so glad you read it because it was probably the funniest thing that happened all day. I think this would make a great comic book I think it would amuse a lot of other people like it amused me.-Phil